Tuesday, 18 September 2012

An Artist when it comes to Wooing

Tomorrow I am meeting up with an ex that I haven't seen for a year and a half and he's taking me out to a very swanky restaurant in Mayfair.

The last time I was due to meet him two of my female friends cruelly made me cancel. They were right to do so but I was grumpy about it nonetheless as they had just cheated me out of just about the best darn sex ever.

It's not too complicated but it requires some explaining. This ex - he wasn't a real ex, more a six month fling - was the first guy I began dating after a serious split of 5 years. Let's call him: Lash (which means 'famous warrior' in the Name Dictionary. I think he'd approve though he's probably never even set foot in a gym let alone gone on a crusade - unless you count all night binge drinking shenanigins). He was my rebound guy - and what a rebound guy!

Picture the scene: me nervously entering probably the most lavish, high ceiling bar I have seen in London thus far. Him: casually centre stage, smack in the middle of the room at a sort of bar, alone except for the poshly suited bartender and many bottles of spirits. 'What flavours do you like? Tell --- (he knew the bartender's name, like they were old friends). He has a great talent, he'll make you the perfect cocktail...'

This guy is, in most simple terms put, 'a womaniser'. I'm convinced he's read all the books. At the time I thought it was rather modern and open minded that he'd watched all of the Sex and the City series but later I realised that he'd clearly watched them as a form of research.

What do women want? This guy clearly knows it...

He's got a girlfriend now and its serious so don't get too excited. This guy may be a lot of things but as far as I am aware he doesn't cheat. Well...actually that is complicated...

You see in the past, as a bachelor, he was happy to woo girls with boyfriends...(technically they are the ones cheating here, not him) in fact, I'd go as far to say it was his speciality. He never explained this to me but I later came to believe it was quite a sly move on his part.

Think about it - if you date a taken girl:

No. 1 - What an ego boast, you've stolen someone's biatch. How sexy are you?!  Licence to steal...
(I imagine he says this to himself in the mirror, one raised eyebrow, as he adjusts his tie)

No. 2 - The clever devil knows -naturally an affair makes the sex all the more steamy, all the more forbidden and exciting -and addictive! We once ate dinner sat opposite one of his other mistresses and her boyfriend. She was clearly as wicked as him because there were covert cheeky smiles aplenty! (Yes, I knew...we'll come on to this fact in a minute)

No. 3 -  You enter the 'relationship' (he never calls it a relationship) with a clear EXIT sign or get out clause. If the girl goes mushy and all serious on you, you can turn it on its head.
'No, I'm the one hard done by! You used me to escape your failing relationship! We're not at sea; I'm not a life-ring. How do I know you won't cheat on me too later down the line? Sorry darling, it's just never going to work, I've seen what you're capable of...' Sobering logic you can't argue with.

What a scoundrel! I hear you cry. He doesn't deny it. He models himself on the devil from his favourite book 'I, Lucifer'. And we all secretly love a good anti-hero...

Being bad is...sooooo sexy. Just take Don Draper from Mad Men...(another of his role models)

When I knew him he was very much a bachelor. He had his tastefully decorated (I might even say 'over feminine' for a man) pad and he had his cat...

Yes, his female cat...another weapon and asset of a First Class Womaniser.

This is how the cat works. You come back to his. You want him, you want his attention...but who does he give it to?! The cat...

What does it do if not make you frustrated and then you want him more. You actually compete with the cat for god sakes!

'Some women in the past have been jealous of my cat,' he says quite openly - he's always so frank and open, even if he gets caught, he doesn't care, probably purposely planting ideas - whilst rubbing the cat's chin knowingly. Quite rightly so...she's the only female he's been fully devoted to these past ten years.

The cat knows it too. All sweet and fluffy and then a hidden claw will come out when you least expect it, often when his back turns.
'He's mine!!!' she hisses, and you recoil in shock. She watches you, she knows...she's seen many like you.

He knows all the tricks...he's a Master Jedi (I was wise in choosing the name 'Lash' in someways).

So he's open. He doesn't do things like other men. He's friends with his many ex's, he revisits old ground, keeps everyone as sweet as he can. He charms and delights whilst always doing what he wants, only what he wants. Try and step in the way of that and you'll know, like a cat, he quickly turns...

You know about the other women, he tells you and you accept it because you have such a great time with him. If you're stupid enough (and many of us are), you kid yourself that you might be the one that changes everything...that you might win him over.

Keep dreaming...even the more long term ones have lost their sway eventually.

The man can cook better than I can - and that is saying something. He eats out in the best places, he is an avid reader, lover of art and film watcher (biggest DVD collection I have ever seen), he loves the theatre, he can speak fluent french, he has an overwhelming passion for ice-cream, he loves to talk and debate. He's not conventionally attractive, he's short and a little chunky, but he's just so sexy...dark stubble, that intense look...I-just-want-to-eat-you sexy...

He's got a death wish - he drinks an incredibly amount, parties hard - live fast, die young...

But if you can enjoy a little bit of the ride he's on - do it I say...just don't fall in love.

My friends stopped me from going to see him that one last time because I'd just met someone else, someone kind, decent and reliable, who deserved my fairness and respectful treatment (even if it pained me slightly to do the right thing) and that is another story for another day too...

So...tomorrow we meet again. It won't be like old times, we won't pick up where we left off but it will be good to see him. 

Will tell all at the end of the week I guess...!

No comments:

Post a Comment