So I am in Spain and I want to learn Spanish...
Many bright sparks tell me knowingly: ' Find yourself a Spanish boyfriend....'
Well...okay, thanks for the tip...but where? I teach teenagers and kids and I don't come across many tasty male Spaniards, unless you count my banker but he's average and if I f-ck that up then who will help me with my banking?!
There is my Spanish friend but we've already covered that ground though he is a great asset.
Ok Cupid is another place to turn but seriously...?! I think I must be too fussy as every person on there seems to be a moron.
What is it with dating sites? All the men look like they are posing - don't get me started on photos of men holding up their iphones as they snap themselves in the mirror!!! I hate it! - or they write just the most pretentious stuff when engaging with you.
The last suitor was getting all excited and kinky one minute after only a few lines of conversation, inviting me to chat on whatsapp (no thanks...not until I know you're not a weirdo that I can't shake loose), and the next he was asking me if I wanted to go for a blueberry tea....Bizarre.
Anyway he looked like the son, Neil, of hotel owners from Dirty Dancing - you know who I mean? (see photo if not) The cheesy, arrogant twatbag who wants to dance 'The Pechanga!' I stopped writing back as I often do when they fail to impress me.
So I look around me and I end up focussing my attention on my male colleagues who are a rather decent and lovely bunch of gentlemen. Except they are English...Hmm...
But in terms of talent it is still worth consideration, (they aren't unattractive and they are very nice)...except that's as far as I get there too. One or two of them might be worthy of a fling but in terms of something substantial I think I'd be wasting my time. Let's break it down and consider the three contenders:
The Sporty One
Possibly the most attractive. Tall, lean, bearded...bright, expressive eyes and a nice smile. Very chatty and intelligent and probably the best option. Except he's often out doing his own thing and he's too into football for my liking and healthy living and sport...I don't mind this but I need someone who is sometimes a bit of a deviant and the occasional couch potato. I promised myself this after my long term ex.
The Friendly One
Lots in common and lots to talk about. A really interesting and lovely guy...except he's riddled with surgical scars, he's shorter than me (total no-no) and he's just not my type. Plus he seems a lot older than he actually is - not that this is a bad thing, just saying...
The Nowhere Man
Also attractive with a nice body from climbing regularly - he looks excellent for his age in terms of physical fitness - but he's quiet and a drifter who admitted to me that he's secretly somewhat depressed. He doesn't know where he's going to and he needs to work this out. He's floated from one station to the next all his life without what seems to be any real consideration or passion. Once he knows what he wants I think his life will become easier. Though when this will be looks uncertain. The last thing he needs is someone clouding his vision and I don't want to appear to be a solution as I wouldn't be. I'd just become a problem.
So...the well is dry. Not ideal when I am meant to be writing about relationships and sex... Fortunately there are other writers who can contribute and there are always the archives! You'll just have to bear with me I'm afraid!