Sunday, 28 October 2012

Emotional rationalisation: inner dialogues

This is an inner dialogue between my emotional side and my rational side about recent friendship worries.

ES: I'm angry with my friends.

RS: Anger is not going to get you anywhere.

ES: Okay, I'm a bit fed up then.

RS: That's better. Why?

ES: Well...I love them but some (in particular) of my closest friends have been pretty lame at keeping in touch and showing me they care.

RS: They do care about you, they are just busy.

ES: That's the same old excuse you give me every time.

RS: Well, it is true. Anyway, they have been in touch so you're kind of exaggerating and maybe blowing things out of proportion. You know you tend to do that and your friends have even told you that yourself.

ES: Yeah...but I remember days when our correspondence was more frequent and plentiful.

RS: Life changes and it can't always be a show centred round you.

ES: No, I'm not saying it should be...

RS: Plus you don't live in their city anymore and they could argue that it is you who has taken yourself off.

ES: I don't know...I just would like to hear from them a little more. I want more meaningful conversations to reassure me that I'm still special to them.

RS: I'm sure you are special to them...

ES: Well I don't feel that way...

RS: Well, isn't that your problem? And you've just got to deal with it. You need to work at letting go.

ES: Yeah I guess...still, I'm allowed to feel fed up a bit, right?

RS: Yes, but if you start getting demanding and grumpy with your friends you know you'll always get the opposite of what you desire...

ES: Man, this is frustrating!

RS: Yes, I suppose it is. Look, just leave it for now. Go busy yourself with making new friends and having new experiences. Your old friends will be in touch sooner or later if they are worth anything.

ES: Yeah but I worry, I have been busy doing all you said...

RS: Come on...don't focus on the negative. I know you miss these friends and worry about losing them or them not valuing you enough as you value them but it is also down to needs. They are in a city surrounded by your other friends - their needs are being met, your needs are wanting because you are in a new place and you have been in a lot of new places over the last few years and this is a great thing but doubt and loneliness initially come as part of the package. Anyway you need to look at the positives...

ES: Go on...

RS: Those other friends who are more reliable right now and in regular contact. The ones you've been Skyping and sharing long emails with. You have lots of friends! What does it matter about a few? Things ebb and flow...maybe one day in the future these people who write now will be busy and those other friends will be more just never know.

ES: OK...yeah. You're right. I just hope that distance doesn't destroy things in the end.

RS: It shouldn't...and anyway we live in a world of social media and connection these days. It is hard to lose total contact.

ES: OK, but one more thing...there was that drama I had with that one friend back in June. I worry there is still ill feeling. I really don't know what brought that on...

RS: Yes you do, she was stressed from her course.

ES: OK, but girls don't forget these things...what if she is harbouring bad feeling still?

RS: What? Like you?! Let it is colouring your perception.

ES: I'm trying to but I worry...

RS: You worry too much!

ES: Yes, yes I do.

RS: Just be patient. If in doubt, do nought. Just wait and see how the tide turns.

ES: Ok...but you know patience is my weakest point, right?

RS: Well that is something to develop then. Now go and do something else rather than writing out this dialogue to sort out your feelings!

ES: Okay! (reluctantly) Thanks....

RS: Anytime! I know you'll be back.

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