Monday, 22 October 2012

Blindfolded in the bedroom: a male perspective

I must admit, it came as a bit of a surprise when my girlfriend, Milly, expressed a desire to read 50 Shades of Grey. You have to have been in a coma for the majority of 2012 to not have heard about this ‘literary sensation’. Whatever your thoughts about it, it’s clearly popular but Milly is not the type to jump on the latest fad, let alone choose to read a highly sexual tale about domination/submission.

Now Milly is no shrinking violet (far from it) but, with coy smile, she draws clear lines in her life between the appropriate and the inappropriate - a cheeky but firm squeeze of her arse in public will result in a scowl and my hand swiped away as quickly as it had arrived whilst PDAs (Public Displays of Affection) are distasteful and to be avoided at all times.

She will occasionally break her own rules but, more often than not, she plays the role of the conservative well brought up girl – something that most definitely increases her allure. In short, the thought of her reading 50 Shades of Grey on the tube without blushing (she doesn’t own a Kindle so there is no hiding from prying eyes) seems very uncharacteristic.

I admit that my thoughts also turned to what she would think of reading descriptions of bondage and domination. In the past, she’s shown little desire for such things beyond nails clawing at my back or the occasional tug of her hair so, after she’s been away on holiday without me for two weeks and managed to finish the book, it takes me aback when she announces:

‘I can’t believe that we haven’t had sex the whole time I was reading 50 Shades of Grey’.

The twinkle in her eye and playful grin tells me all I need to know about what thoughts she’s had as she followed the story of Anastasia Steele and her Christian Grey.

This got me thinking...

In fact, for the next couple of days, I found it hard to think of anything else. I’ve only had the occasional experience with domination/submission in past relationships but because Millly is who she is, this seemed far more exciting. This was her fantasy and I’d not seen any sign of it in her before. It was only going to be a matter of time before I found myself in a Soho sex shop searching for ways that would allow us to explore this further.

I decided to keep it simple and start slowly. If I’d turn up with a rubber gimp suit, I suspect that this would have been a step too far! After perusing a Soho sex shops merchandise,  I settled on silk restraints and blind folds. This seemed like a safe place to start with material being soft, lightweight and long way from whips, chains and ball gags.

Milly was due round that evening and I spent most of the time before her arrival thinking about how I could go about introducing this into our sex life. Later, when we do start kissing and teasing each other, my excitement grows. I ask her to shut her eyes and turn her back to me. Hesitantly she agrees. I slip the silk out from below my pillow, whisper ‘trust me’ in her ear and wrapped the blindfold round her head with one and tied her hands together behind her back with the other. She gasped and...well I’m not going to go into minute detail but I do want to share several observations.

Evidently she was nervous and unsure about what exactly I had planned. However, her wariness increased her sensitivity and her soft moans quickly gave away that the lack of control was seriously turning her on. As I began to feel more comfortable with the situation myself, I learned that I could play with this by keeping her guessing about what exactly I was going to do to her. Without sight, she had no idea what part of her I was going devour, massage or penetrate next. Furthermore, with her hands tied, she was not able to stop me.

I became much more aware of the movement of her body as she seemed to push herself towards me whenever I touched her. As a result, I found myself lingering on the different areas of her body one by one. I played with her whilst observing how her body and breathing reacted, learning how to trigger different responses.

The feeling of control aroused me more than I had anticipated and before long I could not tease her anymore. The rest was over quickly and violently and we collapsed with both of us giggling manically at what had just occurred.

Now, I’m not going to list the top 10 tips for anyone who may be looking to try this out for themselves. We’ve clearly only scrapped the surface but I will say this: I want more. I’m fairly sure Milly does as well. So, whilst we explore this further, I highly recommend you do the same Dear Reader. You might surprise yourselves as we have.

So the question is, did I successfully become her Christian Grey?

Well although I have not read the book myself, I think I can safely say ‘no, probably not’.  I, unlike EL James’ complex protagonist, do enjoy sex without needing to accompany it with corporal punishment but, for me, that’s the joy of exploring sexuality with your partner. ‘Variety is the spice of life’, so they say and I cannot see myself having the discipline and self control to do this every time we want sex.

Then there is the element of surprise. If you make a habit of being tied up and spanked every time, then does that diminish the thrill? Personally, I don’t want to find out. Milly and I will try this again, but I like the idea that she does not know when it is coming.

I, at least for now, am in control.

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