Mr Sporty: the end to that story

So I never finished the Mr Sporty story…

I can summarise it for you quickly in the few bullet points below:

- Desire led to us being back in bed together just before Christmas

- Naïve hope made me think this might be a good sign and a turning point

-Fear of Commitment prevailed on his part however (or whatever other issues of which I know nothing)

- Farewells were finally said as I summoned, with some difficulty, the strength I needed to walk away (though not without having goodbye sex).

Now we are back at work after the Christmas break and this whole episode might as well never have happened. I refuse to make any special effort and him likewise, though we are friendly enough in social situations. I guess it makes life easier in a way...

It is rather weird...but I'm proud of myself for not showing my emotions or disappointment. I should have known from the start it was never going to amount to anything. I let the wicked sex taint my perception...it still clouds my vision when I'm feeling a little fragile from time to time. When I find the urge to text him coming on I write the message in a note book instead. Texts he'll never get like: 'I want to fuck you still...' etc - when I'm feeling drunk and horny and not thinking too straight.

A fellow colleague of mine (remember The Nowhere Man?) has just met a girl and he's a great inspiration to look to. He's so excited about this new girl, he's practically doing kart-wheels. The girl is in for a treat as he's got all sorts of nice plans lined up for when she comes to visit soon. I sit and listen to him and I look at the smile on his face and his general cheer - this is a guy who is keen. This is what was missing with me and Mr Sporty (well...except in the bedroom).

I hope I can take note of this so I don't make the same mistake again later down the line.

This last year has certainly been a year about doing my best to keep my chin up in situations where in the past I would have crumpled and given into blind emotion. Don't get me wrong, I still feel the emotion but I try not to wear my heart on my sleeves quite as much these days and I certainly avoid degrading or shaming myself at all costs.

Dare I say I've learnt from all that experience? Well...I hope so. Always one step closer I'd like to think...Guess only time will tell.

When a girl puts out too soon...

...it is like opening all your Christmas gifts at once...

Yes, this is what my friend related to me - the words of one of my previous suitors. The cheek! But then...I did think he was possibly gay and I didn't keep that quiet (well I did to his face...).

I never thought we were very well suited anyway and I'd kind of just seen it as a casual fling but it was interesting to hear this perspective. I promptly Googled the topic and the Internet of course has a whole array of opinions on the matter - some in favour, some not. I don't think there is a hard and fast rule.

I'd been thinking about it for a while anyway. Many would say it is a two way street and there are double standards at play here but maybe there is some truth or at least a pattern of behaviour to be noted and something to be learnt.

2012 has seen me being a bit reckless and as the year ended, despite beginning this blog, I began to see abstinence as an intriguing option. It didn't help that sex with Mr Sporty left me with a UTI which needed addressing right before the holiday season began...an extra festive slap in the face after we drew a line under the situation before I headed home. Let's just say Mr Sporty should be renamed Mr Commitment Phobe... 

It is disappointing but you can't change people and whilst there was a lot of lust (we still had fantastic farewell sex) I didn't want to delude myself or end up getting hurt as I really was beginning to like the guy.

So I was thinking about how I was so quick to jump into bed with guys. This is the problem - I often throw caution to the wind and go straight to the sex because, at that moment in time, desire takes a hold and pleasure is all I am seeking. I am not viewing the said male as a potential partner, I'm just looking for fun. The problem arises when the sex is superb, the chemistry is right and I then want more...I begin to see the potential and a relationship crosses my mind.

But if we go with my previous suitors attitude...then I've already blown my chances there. So what's a girl like me to do? I act a bit like a man in that sense -if you remember that quote I found that I mentioned in a previous post on the same topic:

Sex is used by women to CREATE bonding and intimacy.

Sex is used by men to DECIDE whether or not we will create bonding and intimacy.

I also find this situation with the previous suitor rather weird when I consider it from another angle too... The guy is now dating a girl who is far less attractive than me (not really my opinion but his, when he unfavourably described her to me, over a pint in the pub, using the words 'large nose' and then proceeding to complain about how annoying she was). 

I guess she didn't put out initially... but he's shagged her now so... surely, if you lined the two of us up and took out the social contexts...I (not meaning to sound arrogant) would be a better choice?!

Why does game playing have to be so important? Or is this guy just an idiot?! 

I think he may just be an idiot...but I still am thoughtful about his festively-put point.

Maybe abstinence is a good idea. Well...not full blown abstinence but the 'three date rule' would be a good one to drag up again. It is stupid to shag a guy repeatedly, let those love endorphins multiply and then realise he's a dick as you're beginning to get attached. Maybe it is wiser to suss out the situation a bit more first...I guess it is good discipline to start getting into the practise of. 

My best friend and I discussed the topic and she also brought up the issue of confidence. We have a friend who is desperate for love and offers sex on a plate to anyone going...or, at least, it often seems that way and we can't count the times she's been used and then chucked.

We agreed that you should think you are a prize and act the part. You should have confidence that you can keep a man's interest and not have to sleep with him immediately to 'win' him. 

I think there is some truth to this definitely. Still, it doesn't account for my high sex drive...

Sooo....my new years resolution for 2013? To get a f$ckin' excellent vibrator to keep me satisfied and to be a 'little' more restrained with my bed hopping antics to see if it results in more fruitful and satisfactory outcomes...

It isn't going to be easy but maybe if I view it as a sort of year of experiment...maybe that will help keep me focused!

Some Great Sex Memories

I was on a train for seven and a half hours...what's a girl to do in that time but daydream? :)

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I was 21 and at University. He was dark, intense and delicious with deep chocolate brown eyes. I was mildly obsessed and had foolishly left my three year boyfriend to be with him. I don't remember all the details but we'd been smoking weed and got rather frisky as a result. I remember him doing me doggy style; it was a pleasing view. Then he withdrew and came all over my back. We looked at each other and there was a pause and then we burst into hysterics for no real reason besides the ludicrousness of all his wet cum everywhere and me, lying helplessly waiting for him to clean it up.

We're good friends now. Sometimes we remember this together. Clearly it resonates in both of us as an image. Him: awkwardly mopping from my viewpoint, and me: ridiculously messy and comically vulnerable.

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Another dark, intense creature. I was on the verge of falling in love (notice a repeated pattern here?!) but he was dangerous and it was never going to end well. When he embraced me the coarse fibres of his beard tore at my face. I always came away looking mauled and sore. Red raw cheeks like I had acne. It felt very animalistic. He used to press down on my abdomen as he fucked me which seemed to increase the pleasure. When he came his breathing would become short and raspy, like he was being restricted of air. It really turned me on. This one time everything he did felt so perfect that afterwards my legs spasmed incontrollably and I almost wept over the intensity that shook my body. I've never experienced a thing quite like it. Maybe I felt this way because I knew it was never going to last...

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He was a sensual lover. Caresses and strokes, doing all that he could to please me, complimenting my hips and delicate piano hands (not that I ever fulfilled that ambition). He never took the chance to go down on me but I remember him kissing my inner thighs very gently and sweetly after sex like a form of 'thank you' and it totally endeared me to him. I told him we had a great chemistry not to be overlooked. He said that I brought out this side in him. One time we kissed and for some minutes our lips traced each others carefully and repeatedly - just the lips, no tongue, lingering...

I still think about it now. I hope I don't forget that.

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Annoyingly I don't remember a specific time anymore from my long-term ex. There are moments but they are vague - most blur into one another. I remember fucking in a field whilst the jack-russel looked on and a herd of cows wandered over to observe and interrupt. I remember straddling him in the back of some stranger's pick-up truck at the Full Moon party in Thailand, metres from the beach or him tipping my head back, off the bed, to force me to cum harder. Or the intensity I felt for him on MDMA at a rave and how I had to find him and be with him -nothing else mattered. Or laughing as he tried to fuck me on his rowing machine rather unsuccessfully. The videos...the photos, all the ways we explored.

Do you have any fond sex memories that stick out? I have some negative ones too...maybe for another post!

A week of the waiting game

So after four days my impatience wore thin (I was pretty impressed I lasted so long) and I sent Mr Sporty a text:

'So last Saturday night...Have haven't spoken about it...Are we going to?'

I guess sending a text automatically displays my interest but I tried to keep any emotion out of it or to reveal too much. I wish I hadn't been so impatient because he came back with:

'Sure. Hadn't avoided it particularly, just acting normal. Should be a chance over a beer tomorrow.'

I could have held on until the weekend when I knew there would be a chance to talk. During the week my mind had been plagued with various thoughts on the matter and I went from total scrutiny to not giving a f-ck and back again. Sketchy memories of last Saturday night and Sunday morning came back like a boomerang to hit me dully on the side of the head. I cringed at how much I talked...I really need to work on this but its been a battle I've been fighting for years. I used to have a plaque on my school folder which read:

'But your brain into gear before you set your mouth in motion' 

Or something along those lines. It is so true.

Lying in bed, post-coital I actually said to him with no thought and no scrupples:

'Oh you were lucky, I wasn't sure if I was up to it with this hangover, at one point I thought I was going to burp in your mouth.'

S-E-X-Y

Yup, I've got no shame and all the best lines.

And I showed him some stupid cat videos on YouTube...

(don't look at me like that)

...there goes my cool credentials totally. As my dear friend said later in an email quoting Scrubs:

'Deal out your crazy in small doses.'

Apt advice...thought I can't imagine I'll ever learn how to put it into practise.

Anyway...the good news is - despite all of this - he likes me! He must be mental as well because I think he finds these quirks endearing right now... ('right now' being choice words).

So...it all looks promising!!!

Or does it?

The guy is 33. He's rather private but he told me he's never had a relationship that lasted a year let alone a couple of months. Why? He wouldn't say...

Bugger.

This is total alarm bells. 

A) It means I now have to be even more cautious and vigilant of my poor 'achey break-y heart' 

and 

B) Even if we get so far it implies that I might have to train him... 

Oh boy! As ever I'll keep you posted.

You know how I wrote about options...?

Well...one surprisingly presented itself -or should I say 'himself' as he is a person - to me on Saturday night. It just goes to show again how wrong I often am about these things. I always think 'nah...that will never happen.' - perhaps I underestimate myself  - and then I'm rather wide-eyed in disbelief and startled when things do actually happen.

It started like a normal night with dinner and some drinks round mine and we then popped out for a few more as it was still early hours. My intention was to then head home...

Fast forward through many red wines, beers and tequila shots and we've got some crazy dance floor antics. Its all a bit blurry (too many dance spins and twirls) but I was talking away as you do and engrossed in conversation and I don't know...the more you drink the more tactile you get... and before I know it I'm being enticed down the road at 3am in some direction nowhere near to home and then I'm waking up at sometime around 10am and wondering where I am and who left the lights on - oh that is actually the sunlight...!!!

I did wake up to a nice view - in more ways than one. His house overlooks the sea. The rest of the morning was spent nursing a hangover, feeling too sick to really move or do much else other than huddle shakily (me, not him) together under a blanket on the sofa. When I finally had the energy he lent me an umbrella and walked me to a place I recognised and I crawled home and into bed.

Before I had even properly digested the evening's events I realised I was due to talk to my Spanish friend on Skype (was it 4 o'clock already!?!) and that I would have to tell him because we don't really keep anything from each other.

I decided to go with the open approach. We're not dating and he's not the jealous type and I'd rather be truthful and totally 'me' with him. I was a little worried though. We talked and it all seemed to go okay but later he got in touch again and we discussed it all a bit more in-depth. I feel better about it now and whilst he isn't glad about my actions he's not upset either. We're 'cool' so to speak.

As for my work colleague...I have to face him today and see how the dust has settled. What this will all lead to I have no idea, no real expectation and I'm in no rush. He's a very nice man so I don't expect any dick head behaviour though.

Oh and in case you're wondering...it was the Sporty one.... 

Pleasantly surprised...

Once again I take back some of the sentiments from my last post. My friend truly surprised me. We got to talking about the whole situation in bed the next day and I revealed my true feelings and thoughts - heck, he even read the blog posts I wrote here, despite my nervousness about his reaction - and you know what? He handled the honesty and was understanding and really mature about it. It was all fine.

We spent the weekend being fairly intimate but mainly relaxing together, safe in the knowledge that we are good friends and we want it to remain that way. There was no pressure, no expectation. Just enjoyment. It seemed we both understood the situation and left with no plans or thoughts other than that we had a good time and had grown closer with more respect for one another.

Fortunately the love bite had also faded somewhat by the time I returned to work today, although a colleague did comment on it when we went out the day after on the Friday. I told a blatant fib and mumbled an excuse about stress and rashes...He pretended to swallow it and asked no more. You can't hide these things really, but at the same time if you don't wish to take someone into your confidence and relate what privately goes on in the bedroom then that should be respected too
...says she writing about it openly on the Internet.

So...no drama. Nothing to worry myself about. I am really happy about how it has all turned out. Another lesson learnt...everyone is different and I need to be careful with past experiences leading to preconceived ideas.

Uh oh...as I predicted...

And so my Spanish friend has come to visit...

Right now he's sleeping in the spare room and I have woken up rather groggily from beer and wine, with a stomach ache and some regret....on my neck, displayed for everyone to see is the mark of this regret. 

The boy went and gave me a love bite! To say I'm narked is putting it a little mildly. I work in a profession where this isn't really appropriate (when is it ever?!) and I don't want my colleagues to know, who were are spending the day with today.

Even under two layers of foundation you can see it, and in Spain it really isn't scarf weather yet...

He's lovely my friend but I'm really not sure what to make of it. As things unfolded I did drunkenly protest a bit and then eventually I gave in. I'm going to hurt him I know...even if I did warn him:

 'No promises...' 

I said that to the last guy and six months later I wriggled out of it eventually leaving the guy rather crushed...

These nice guys...I don't know what to do with them...

He just kept repeating how beautiful I was...

It didn't work for me...

(Sigh)

I guess we'll just have to see how it all pans out....

Is it possible to share a bed platonically?

I'll admit to having been rather naive a few times when it comes to this situation. Somehow I don't seem to learn either...

The first time... 

I shared a bed with friend who I had mixed feelings for it turned out to be a success story -i.e we didn't mess things up and get it on. We were both too well behaved, clearly. Maybe this successful sleeping arrangement tricked me into thinking it was safe territory...who knows?!

The second time...

I wasn't so lucky. I was a student and had been out late to a local cheesy night club. A group of us piled into my room for late night /early morning chats and drinks afterwards and I was distracted by my soon-to-be boyfriend's hand that was edging closer and closer to mine quietly, unnoticed by anyone else but me. Doubtful of this situation and worried about where it might lead, I didn't want to be left alone with him so I offered one side of my double bed to his friend who had joined our group. I did it with no agenda whatsoever, seriously.

Needless to say our feet brushed, we were both feeling a bit tipsy and I'm not ashamed to say it but in the dark, curled up in a warm bed, I thought 'Why not?!' It was fun and I was happy to see in the morning that he was much fitter than I remembered so altogether it was a pleasant experience. For a while it also drove a nice wedge between me and the other guy giving me time to figure out how I truly felt.

The third time...

was a long-time-passed ex and good friend. We shared a bed as I was visiting and we didn't feel it would be a problem as he was besotted with a mutual friend/on-and-off girlfriend and I had a boyfriend- also a mutual friend. Unfortunately our familiarity with each other led to a strange situation. He decided to show me some 'artistic' photos of his girl and then a 'home' video of sorts. 

All of which I approved of and was relaxed about but in the end it was all too much for the boy and I had to advert my eyes whilst he er, let's just say...sorted himself out. His subsequent awkwardness and guilt later led to me acquiring a nice bottle of wine for my troubles which was fine by me as it had not really phased me. I didn't tell my boyfriend though the real reason it had been bestowed upon me...I deemed it unnecessary.

The fourth/fifth/sixth (who knows how many) time... 

No brainer. My recent long-term ex who I was clearly not over, and I guess he was having trouble detaching himself from me too...We were just kidding ourselves and 'platonic' sleepovers for 'convenience' when I was in town visiting were never just that. We eventually realised these sleepovers were destructive and I stopped staying over and began staying with other friends.

Er..the seventh time... ?!

Fit guy, I'm ashamed to say with girlfriend... Let's not even pretend it was meant to be a platonic sleepover though we went through the pretence of it all to get there...

'Oh I'm too drunk too walk all the way back across the field to my dorm,' 

'Okay, stay in my bed, fully clothed...'

'What a great idea! Oh whoops my clothes came off somehow...'

'Oh dear...what a pity so did mine...'

...

The eighth time...(we return to this week's date)

I'm really not making a habit of sleeping with taken men, I really don't approve...until this year it had never happened, I swear... and then they go like dominos! Like Ash (Bruce Campbell) in Evil Dead 2 with his demonic possessed hand, Lash's hand had a mind of its own even as he slept...

... (imagine my earnest look)...

...who are we kidding?! 

Though it did kind of seem that way at the time and he was a little perplexed by it when we'd recovered. I did try and steer it in more healthy directions but it was like a compass set to north... 

More on this another day perhaps...

Sooo....

What have we learnt from this little collection of tales? 

Maybe don't sleep in a bed with someone you have mixed or complicated feelings for...?
Or anyone remotely sexy for that matter...
Or after watching porn together...
Or if you are feeling an incy bit horny...

We can probably fashion a list. I have other friends who can offer up their stories too. 

If anyone is reading this blog out there I'd love to know your thoughts/stories/anecdotes...feel free to engage!