When a girl puts out too soon...

...it is like opening all your Christmas gifts at once...

Yes, this is what my friend related to me - the words of one of my previous suitors. The cheek! But then...I did think he was possibly gay and I didn't keep that quiet (well I did to his face...).

I never thought we were very well suited anyway and I'd kind of just seen it as a casual fling but it was interesting to hear this perspective. I promptly Googled the topic and the Internet of course has a whole array of opinions on the matter - some in favour, some not. I don't think there is a hard and fast rule.

I'd been thinking about it for a while anyway. Many would say it is a two way street and there are double standards at play here but maybe there is some truth or at least a pattern of behaviour to be noted and something to be learnt.

2012 has seen me being a bit reckless and as the year ended, despite beginning this blog, I began to see abstinence as an intriguing option. It didn't help that sex with Mr Sporty left me with a UTI which needed addressing right before the holiday season began...an extra festive slap in the face after we drew a line under the situation before I headed home. Let's just say Mr Sporty should be renamed Mr Commitment Phobe... 

It is disappointing but you can't change people and whilst there was a lot of lust (we still had fantastic farewell sex) I didn't want to delude myself or end up getting hurt as I really was beginning to like the guy.

So I was thinking about how I was so quick to jump into bed with guys. This is the problem - I often throw caution to the wind and go straight to the sex because, at that moment in time, desire takes a hold and pleasure is all I am seeking. I am not viewing the said male as a potential partner, I'm just looking for fun. The problem arises when the sex is superb, the chemistry is right and I then want more...I begin to see the potential and a relationship crosses my mind.

But if we go with my previous suitors attitude...then I've already blown my chances there. So what's a girl like me to do? I act a bit like a man in that sense -if you remember that quote I found that I mentioned in a previous post on the same topic:

Sex is used by women to CREATE bonding and intimacy.

Sex is used by men to DECIDE whether or not we will create bonding and intimacy.

I also find this situation with the previous suitor rather weird when I consider it from another angle too... The guy is now dating a girl who is far less attractive than me (not really my opinion but his, when he unfavourably described her to me, over a pint in the pub, using the words 'large nose' and then proceeding to complain about how annoying she was). 

I guess she didn't put out initially... but he's shagged her now so... surely, if you lined the two of us up and took out the social contexts...I (not meaning to sound arrogant) would be a better choice?!

Why does game playing have to be so important? Or is this guy just an idiot?! 

I think he may just be an idiot...but I still am thoughtful about his festively-put point.

Maybe abstinence is a good idea. Well...not full blown abstinence but the 'three date rule' would be a good one to drag up again. It is stupid to shag a guy repeatedly, let those love endorphins multiply and then realise he's a dick as you're beginning to get attached. Maybe it is wiser to suss out the situation a bit more first...I guess it is good discipline to start getting into the practise of. 

My best friend and I discussed the topic and she also brought up the issue of confidence. We have a friend who is desperate for love and offers sex on a plate to anyone going...or, at least, it often seems that way and we can't count the times she's been used and then chucked.

We agreed that you should think you are a prize and act the part. You should have confidence that you can keep a man's interest and not have to sleep with him immediately to 'win' him. 

I think there is some truth to this definitely. Still, it doesn't account for my high sex drive...

Sooo....my new years resolution for 2013? To get a f$ckin' excellent vibrator to keep me satisfied and to be a 'little' more restrained with my bed hopping antics to see if it results in more fruitful and satisfactory outcomes...

It isn't going to be easy but maybe if I view it as a sort of year of experiment...maybe that will help keep me focused!

A week of the waiting game

So after four days my impatience wore thin (I was pretty impressed I lasted so long) and I sent Mr Sporty a text:

'So last Saturday night...Have haven't spoken about it...Are we going to?'

I guess sending a text automatically displays my interest but I tried to keep any emotion out of it or to reveal too much. I wish I hadn't been so impatient because he came back with:

'Sure. Hadn't avoided it particularly, just acting normal. Should be a chance over a beer tomorrow.'

I could have held on until the weekend when I knew there would be a chance to talk. During the week my mind had been plagued with various thoughts on the matter and I went from total scrutiny to not giving a f-ck and back again. Sketchy memories of last Saturday night and Sunday morning came back like a boomerang to hit me dully on the side of the head. I cringed at how much I talked...I really need to work on this but its been a battle I've been fighting for years. I used to have a plaque on my school folder which read:

'But your brain into gear before you set your mouth in motion' 

Or something along those lines. It is so true.

Lying in bed, post-coital I actually said to him with no thought and no scrupples:

'Oh you were lucky, I wasn't sure if I was up to it with this hangover, at one point I thought I was going to burp in your mouth.'

S-E-X-Y

Yup, I've got no shame and all the best lines.

And I showed him some stupid cat videos on YouTube...

(don't look at me like that)

...there goes my cool credentials totally. As my dear friend said later in an email quoting Scrubs:

'Deal out your crazy in small doses.'

Apt advice...thought I can't imagine I'll ever learn how to put it into practise.

Anyway...the good news is - despite all of this - he likes me! He must be mental as well because I think he finds these quirks endearing right now... ('right now' being choice words).

So...it all looks promising!!!

Or does it?

The guy is 33. He's rather private but he told me he's never had a relationship that lasted a year let alone a couple of months. Why? He wouldn't say...

Bugger.

This is total alarm bells. 

A) It means I now have to be even more cautious and vigilant of my poor 'achey break-y heart' 

and 

B) Even if we get so far it implies that I might have to train him... 

Oh boy! As ever I'll keep you posted.

Men Who Lose Interest After Sex

It is not a hard and fast rule, there are exceptions, but general advice on the street is usually to avoid sleeping with a man until the 3rd date. Hopping into bed with a guy on the first night might mean instant sexual gratification but it can pose problems after if you're looking for something more serious - or even just simply 'some more of the good stuff'.

I have been known to not take this advice often and I have suffered the consequences. Now, I have a bit of a problem with this rule. 

Sometimes you get drunk...

Sometimes you get carried away... (if you're impatient and cock hungry like me)

Sometimes you're not even sure if you like the guy but sleeping with them is a good form of research...

Sometimes you think:

 'Hey! This is the 21st Century, woman have adapted with the pill...come on men! Get modern...'

It seems these thoughts still don't change things. If you find yourself dealing with a guy who has lost interest...I'm afraid it is what it is and all you can do (to keep your self-respect in tact) is to move on.

What you mustn't do is turn bunny boiler and chase them...you're not getting this lost opportunity back.

So...why do I mention this? 

Well, because it is two, almost three days later and I don't know have a clue where I stand with Mr Sporty yet. I have hardly seen him to be fair and it can take a while for the 'mist' to clear.

I've been very well-behaved though. No texts, no chasing, no nothing. Just the odd smile in passing here and there. It really is up to him to decide the next move and this is very important if I want to 'rescue' this and maybe start something.

I don't know if I do want to start something...

But I'd like to also keep my options open as I do fancy him a little and it could be fun. I may have already screwed it up though...

But then, if I have...it was never right or meant to be in the first place. I'll keep you posted anyway...

PS I just also read this article whilst I was doing some research...Even I have to admit I was talking too much in my still drunk stupor the next morning...

Damn it! I always do this! Hmm...not sure the odds are in my favour!

Oh and I love yahoo answers take on this from some random chat room:

Sex is used by women to CREATE bonding and intimacy.
Sex is used by men to DECIDE whether or not we will create bonding and intimacy.

Well there you go...the ball is in his court.