Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Emotional v Rational: Self-Respect

One of the reasons I began this blog was because I wanted to talk and explore at times the topic of self-respect. In the past, this element was highly lacking in much of the way I conducted myself in and out of my relationships, although I didn't realise it. I learnt the hard way through experience. 

Today when I look around and listen to other women's stories, I often find I'm not the only one with this problem. As I continue to write this blog, I hope to explore the topic in great depth but today it we'll just touch upon it a little.

RS: So you - we - should be really proud of ourselves.

ES: Hmm...Nope, I feel glum...Glum, Glum, GLUM!

RS: Well, you were never a great one at letting go...but you've done it before, you can do it again.

ES: Yeah but it sucks. He was the closest thing to perfect in ages.

RS: I know, I know and whilst you can't deny or suppress these sad feelings, you know they will play out of your system eventually. Just keep them behind closed doors as much as possible, ok? Don't keep sharing them with any one who's around to listen -that's also a big flaw of yours.

ES: Yeah I know...

RS: Listen. You did the right thing by calling it off with Mr Sporty and taking a step back. If you'd carried on - sure, you would have been happier for a little while but the doubt would have kept nagging. You would have been living in a dream world and the longer you'd stayed in it, the harder the fall would have been later. Not only did you protect yourself but you did the most positive thing you could have done because you gave him space to work out how he feels in his own time without pressure or coercion. 

ES: I suppose...

RS: No, I am right. If he comes back to you now then it is because he has decided he wants you - not simply because he's going through the obligatory functions and playing out the role expected, all the while thinking about how to break it to you gently. 

ES: I really don't think he's going to come back though...

RS: Well then...he wasn't right for you and never was. I know it hurts but it is best to know this now. And anyway, if he doesn't come back? Well, you've handled it really well and he's still being cool with you so you've saved face and you might still have a great friendship. Plus he does fancy you. You know he does - there is no disputing that. It is just that he's very settled in his ways. He probably still wants you even now but he can't and that's just tough luck I'm afraid. He can't have his cake and eat it. If you're going to get glum behind closed doors...let him get sexually frustrated. 

ES: I guess I can take some comfort in that.

RS: Do, but then move on.

ES: I will try my hardest. Your logic helps to soothe the blow...but sometimes I let it all build up and I get sad again - you know those times - when you're alone or walking -times when you get stuck inside your head. Plus I can't help it. I do wait to see what will happen next.

RS: I know, but just keep those thoughts inside and take pleasure in the here and now. Go walk by the sea if you have to. As for waiting to see what happens - sure, watch if you can't help it, but also start looking at other avenues. Don't become obsessional. Don't chase after more grief.

ES: When you put it that way it does sound like solid advice.

RS: It is. You deserve to be treated well and adored and you deserve to be happy - so do all you can to make that your obsession if necessary.

ES: Thanks...

RS: And I'll always be here to listen and talk it though.

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