Showing posts with label vibrators. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vibrators. Show all posts

Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Kinky Tikki: Sex Machine


Here, a gift: some porn. 


iris getting rocked on the sybian powered by YouPorn

 That, my friends, is a sybian in action. Apart from the magic wand and the rabbit (thanks Sex And The City), it’s probably the world’s most famous vibrator. I say vibrator because it vibrates, but really I suppose it’s more like a fucking machine.  It was designed by a guy who did some research into how women come best, and surprise surprise, found that the ol’ in-out that does it for guys often doesn’t get us girls to heaven in the same way. 

It’s basically about round-and-round g-spot action coupled with lots of clitoral stimulation, apparently. These things cost a hefty sum, so they’re rare to find outside of porn, but I happen to have been lucky enough to come by one (or a guy that has one), and being still alive to tell the tale, I thought I’d share it with you.

The guy is a lovely black American from the Navy, with some of the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen, and the most laid-back, solid nature of anyone I’ve met on the kink scene. We’d met once before, but when I turned up at his house I was in a foul mood for various reasons, so initially he just fed me amaretto and we chatted in front of endless episodes of The Walking Dead. 7 hours of this, plus coconut vodka and youtube videos, later, I finally had the guts and inclination to try it.

First, we discussed attachments. There were a few terrifying, 3 inch wide, 9 inch long monstrosities that I rejected immediately, eventually plumping for a small one with a ridged ball on it, for the g-spot stimulation. He handed me some lube and brought me a bottle of water ('Will I need this?' I asked. 'It depends how long you ride for.' He said. I thought he was being silly. Little did I know…) 

He showed me the controls and offered to leave the room, but I opted to have him control it, to add to the experience. There was no sexy vibe between us, so I just took off my pants under my skirt, lubed up and hopped on. It felt very weird, and quite tight/a teeny bit painful because I wasn’t aroused at all yet. 

And so he started it up.

The vibrations are very strong – at the lower levels it feels like a deep purr, and at higher levels you could imagine you’re sitting on top of a piece of industrial machinery. Which I suppose you are. And it’s bloody loud. At first, it all felt a bit funny. My sexuality is very mental and connective, so it felt alienating, mechanical – which again, it was. It felt good but I kept analysing it: 

'Ah, in this position, I get more clitoral stimulation, but in this position, more g-spot…but I don’t seem to be getting anywhere close to orgasm. Is this too intense? Should I change position? What if I fantasise a bit?' 

Again, this is very me; thwarting my own sexual pleasure by over-analysing or getting stuck in my own head is one of my least favourite traits, though I don’t think I’m alone in this. It went on for a long time. I decided it was all too clinical, so I took off my clothes. We stopped and added a little wedge that pushed the front up against my clit more, and added towels under my knees. By this stage sweat was dripping from my elbows, and I did need to drink quite a bit of water – it’s surprisingly physical.

All the while, sybian guy was calm, a smile on his face, reclining next to me on the sofa, playing with the controls, varying the intensity and the combination of sensations, never making me think that he was trying to steam towards the end point. I finally sat up, where the internal feelings were most intense, and just closed my eyes and relaxed. Didn’t think, didn’t try not to think, just went with it. And all those good-but-too-analysable sensations joined into one, and I started to get somewhere. 

I forgot myself, and started to make noises. Not those little communicative noises of encouragement (girls, maybe you know what I mean), but real involuntary noises. He didn’t rush it though. He teased me, took me to the edge a few times, thwarted me by turning it down just when I thought I was about to go over the top. Which made it better, of course, but left me cursing and swearing at him. 

Eventually, almost with a sense of disbelief, I came. It was a very strong orgasm, and it went on for a long time. It was great, but not the best ever. It lacked the…finesse? Depth? To make it into the top ten. But it was very good. And suddenly, I came down, and I realised again that I was sitting on a machine, and it all felt a bit solitary, so I went to clean myself up a bit and then threw myself into SG’s lap for a cuddle and to talk the experience over and watch some more youtube videos. 

When I got up, there was some blood there, which I guess was because of how suddenly I had sat down on it, and the intensity and unusual motion when I am (this feels uncomfortable to say, somehow) quite tight. SG had cleared it all up by the time I came back from the bathroom though, and I couldn’t find any damage, so we just glossed it over and carried on with the night.

So generally, it was very interesting, and it did help me learn quite a lot about myself. SG said that the women that don’t get on well with the sybian often have trouble because of over-analysing and being unable to let go. I think we could all stand to understand female orgasm a bit better. The next day the muscles in my bum and thighs were so sore it was painful sitting down, though. I worked really hard for that orgasm. Still, I think I’d do it again. Partly because, at the end, SG informed me that I’d only been to half speed so far…

Thursday, 20 December 2012

Masturbation at 30.


So I'm meant to be continuing on the Mr Sporty saga but seeing as very few people probably read this blog right now I don't think anyone will mind waiting. 

I should be marketing the bejesus out of this thing but I'm still kind of slowly plodding along and I'm finding it hard to get everything done in the day even when I have oodles of time to spare.

So I fancied talking about masturbation today instead.

Masturbation...what a mouthful - what other words can we find for it and with regards to a woman?

Google will provide you with many such as:


flickin' the bean
a night in with the girls
clam bake for one
tickling the taco
petting the pussy
flit your clit


And trust me there are many more I just enjoyed these ones in particular.

Unlike some girls who discovered the joys of this fun activity by accident (shower head anyone?!) I read about it in detail at the age of fourteen when I stole one of my father's sex books How to Drive Your Man Wild in Bed by Graham Masterton and Liz Coldwell. 

I remember locking my door and lying on my cabin bed to read the whole book - and boy was it insightful. It suggested ideas to me that I had never before imagined and provided me with lessons on what definitely NOT to do (science test tubes and champagne bottles are a bad idea ladies...think about it).

I felt rather guilty exploring myself afterwards. I vaguely recall using a makeup mirror to see down there and the first time half-way through I just felt too shameful and stopped. What if someone knocked on the door?!

Slowly I came round to the idea and I'll admit even took advantage of my nearby flute stand to aid me in the process! I remember asking my girlfriends about whether they did it one New Year and everyone just looked at me blankly, some mortified and all were quick to say 'no.'

Only when more booze had been drunk did a few approach me secretly and begrudgingly admit their secrets. Why were we all so ashamed?

Compared to boys who will happily declare it and boast, girls tend to be more shy and coy about it. Why is this? (some research needs to be done here I think...)

So anyway, throughout my life masturbation has been okay and at times it has served a purpose when I've been feeling frustrated but I have shied away from it somewhat. The only time I ever bought a vibrator was when I was in a serious relationship and we wanted to spice things up. Now the thing lies dormant and decaying in an old suitcase under heaps of clothes. It was one of those rampant bunny ones except now the rotary mechanism has given up the ghost. I should seriously consider investing in a new one.

But it is funny...vibrators. I remember my friend who had TONS of them taking to hiding them in the boot of her car for fear her parents would find them, only to one day absent minded-ly give her father the keys to go fetch something out of it.

Did he see ALL of them? She panicked 
Good God, I hope not! Who knows what he would think!

And I remember my mother stumbling across my sister's vibrator in the garage as we sorted things out for a car boot sale.

'Could we sell this?' she asked.

I looked at her wide-eyed in disbelief.

'No.'

'Yes but ----- said she's never used it.'

'Mum,'

'Yes?'

'She was lying.'

'Oh.'

'No, we cannot sell it at the car boot fair.'

You have to laugh. But these days I'm more happy to talk about the topic and maybe it is because I am single, maybe it is because I'm in my sexual prime or maybe it is because I'm more relaxed and content with my body but I'm definitely doing it more.

The blog Sexual Feelings provides great material for the job too and so handy with smart phones. When I have a spare ten minutes or so and I have nothing better to do - why not? I might not be getting all the sex I desire but I can certainly still have the orgasms I want.

So at 30, I'd say I've had a new lease of life when it comes to flickin' the clit. I wonder if I am alone in this process or if there are other women out there experiencing similar things? Hey, I might go away and find out for you and come back with a follow up....

(Though feel free to leave comments and help me out too!)