What are my options?!

So I am in Spain and I want to learn Spanish...

Many bright sparks tell me knowingly: ' Find yourself a Spanish boyfriend....'

Well...okay, thanks for the tip...but where? I teach teenagers and kids and I don't come across many tasty male Spaniards, unless you count my banker but he's average and if I f-ck that up then who will help me with my banking?!

There is my Spanish friend but we've already covered that ground though he is a great asset.

Ok Cupid is another place to turn but seriously...?! I think I must be too fussy as every person on there seems to be a moron.

What is it with dating sites? All the men look like they are posing - don't get me started on photos of men holding up their iphones as they snap themselves in the mirror!!! I hate it! - or they write just the most pretentious stuff when engaging with you.

The last suitor was getting all excited and kinky one minute after only a few lines of conversation, inviting me to chat on whatsapp (no thanks...not until I know you're not a weirdo that I can't shake loose), and the next he was asking me if I wanted to go for a blueberry tea....Bizarre.

Anyway he looked like the son, Neil, of hotel owners from Dirty Dancing - you know who I mean? (see photo if not) The cheesy, arrogant twatbag who wants to dance 'The Pechanga!' I stopped writing back as I often do when they fail to impress me.

So I look around me and I end up focussing my attention on my male colleagues who are a rather decent and lovely bunch of gentlemen. Except they are English...Hmm...

But in terms of talent it is still worth consideration, (they aren't unattractive and they are very nice)...except that's as far as I get there too. One or two of them might be worthy of a fling but in terms of something substantial I think I'd be wasting my time. Let's break it down and consider the three contenders:

The Sporty One

Possibly the most attractive. Tall, lean, bearded...bright, expressive eyes and a nice smile. Very chatty and intelligent and probably the best option. Except he's often out doing his own thing and he's too into football for my liking and healthy living and sport...I don't mind this but I need someone who is sometimes a bit of a deviant and the occasional couch potato. I promised myself this after my long term ex.

The Friendly One

Lots in common and lots to talk about. A really interesting and lovely guy...except he's riddled with surgical scars, he's shorter than me (total no-no) and he's just not my type. Plus he seems a lot older than he actually is - not that this is a bad thing, just saying...

The Nowhere Man

Also attractive with a nice body from climbing regularly - he looks excellent for his age in terms of physical fitness - but he's quiet and a drifter who admitted to me that he's secretly somewhat depressed.  He doesn't know where he's going to and he needs to work this out. He's floated from one station to the next all his life without what seems to be any real consideration or passion. Once he knows what he wants I think his life will become easier. Though when this will be looks uncertain. The last thing he needs is someone clouding his vision and I don't want to appear to be a solution as I wouldn't be. I'd just become a problem.

So...the well is dry. Not ideal when I am meant to be writing about relationships and sex... Fortunately there are other writers who can contribute and there are always the archives! You'll just have to bear with me I'm afraid!

Got To Get Me Some!

The lady I am staying with told me she hasn't had a kiss in 6 years recently. 6 years! I haven't had sex in two weeks and it is frustrating. Particularly so when it is the time of the month, as it is now. Also particularly so when once I was used to having it regularly. I've just been watching Mad Men and that has stirred me up too! Grrr.....

That is the one good thing about being in a relationship - sex on tap. This past year hasn't been dire but it could have been better. It started with an unexpected bang on New Year and was full of promise with a fling in London. This meant every time I visited the city I had a nice little set-up. 

The guy was adorable....possibly confused, but adorable. Nice warm smile, big brown eyes and he was very expressive and sensual in bed -liked to give massages. Hands down he was also the best person ever at giving head (this is a topic to be discussed in length sometime soon), which was exceptionally refreshing. 

I have this weird niggling feeling that he might have been bisexual though and in denial. He'd start sentences like: 'You know Ashton Kutcher, the really fit actor...?' and, maybe this is a terrible stereotype, but he loved George Michael and Wham and knew an awful lot about both - but then he was very passionate about music so maybe I'm being unfair? I don't know...it was just a minor vibe I picked up on.

The bugger though, decided to tell me that sex was off the menu at my birthday party. Another girl had come onto the scene so at least he was trying to be decent. Decent to her though...not me! It was never destined to be something major so I had a little grumble and then let it go. We met up recently for a drink, no hard feelings.

Around this time I also had a fling with someone I met on the Internet which lasted for about two months - I'll talk about this more another time too - and then there have been the last two bed sharing mishaps.

Oh and a few kisses here and there with foreign boys...a very sexy Italian (shame that never went further but probably for the best) and a super friendly Spaniard.

So what is around the corner? Would be nice to see some action between now and the end of the year... The lady I'm staying with says the boys here will eat me up with my blonde hair...I hope so! :) 

Guess only time will tell...