Thursday, 3 January 2013

When a girl puts out too soon... is like opening all your Christmas gifts at once...

Yes, this is what my friend related to me - the words of one of my previous suitors. The cheek! But then...I did think he was possibly gay and I didn't keep that quiet (well I did to his face...).

I never thought we were very well suited anyway and I'd kind of just seen it as a casual fling but it was interesting to hear this perspective. I promptly Googled the topic and the Internet of course has a whole array of opinions on the matter - some in favour, some not. I don't think there is a hard and fast rule.

I'd been thinking about it for a while anyway. Many would say it is a two way street and there are double standards at play here but maybe there is some truth or at least a pattern of behaviour to be noted and something to be learnt.

2012 has seen me being a bit reckless and as the year ended, despite beginning this blog, I began to see abstinence as an intriguing option. It didn't help that sex with Mr Sporty left me with a UTI which needed addressing right before the holiday season extra festive slap in the face after we drew a line under the situation before I headed home. Let's just say Mr Sporty should be renamed Mr Commitment Phobe... 

It is disappointing but you can't change people and whilst there was a lot of lust (we still had fantastic farewell sex) I didn't want to delude myself or end up getting hurt as I really was beginning to like the guy.

So I was thinking about how I was so quick to jump into bed with guys. This is the problem - I often throw caution to the wind and go straight to the sex because, at that moment in time, desire takes a hold and pleasure is all I am seeking. I am not viewing the said male as a potential partner, I'm just looking for fun. The problem arises when the sex is superb, the chemistry is right and I then want more...I begin to see the potential and a relationship crosses my mind.

But if we go with my previous suitors attitude...then I've already blown my chances there. So what's a girl like me to do? I act a bit like a man in that sense -if you remember that quote I found that I mentioned in a previous post on the same topic:

Sex is used by women to CREATE bonding and intimacy.
Sex is used by men to DECIDE whether or not we will create bonding and intimacy.

I also find this situation with the previous suitor rather weird when I consider it from another angle too... The guy is now dating a girl who is far less attractive than me (not really my opinion but his, when he unfavourably described her to me, over a pint in the pub, using the words 'large nose' and then proceeding to complain about how annoying she was). 

I guess she didn't put out initially... but he's shagged her now so... surely, if you lined the two of us up and took out the social contexts...I (not meaning to sound arrogant) would be a better choice?!

Why does game playing have to be so important? Or is this guy just an idiot?! 

I think he may just be an idiot...but I still am thoughtful about his festively-put point.

Maybe abstinence is a good idea. Well...not full blown abstinence but the 'three date rule' would be a good one to drag up again. It is stupid to shag a guy repeatedly, let those love endorphins multiply and then realise he's a dick as you're beginning to get attached. Maybe it is wiser to suss out the situation a bit more first...I guess it is good discipline to start getting into the practise of. 

My best friend and I discussed the topic and she also brought up the issue of confidence. We have a friend who is desperate for love and offers sex on a plate to anyone going...or, at least, it often seems that way and we can't count the times she's been used and then chucked.

We agreed that you should think you are a prize and act the part. You should have confidence that you can keep a man's interest and not have to sleep with him immediately to 'win' him. 

I think there is some truth to this definitely. Still, it doesn't account for my high sex drive... new years resolution for 2013? To get a f$ckin' excellent vibrator to keep me satisfied and to be a 'little' more restrained with my bed hopping antics to see if it results in more fruitful and satisfactory outcomes...

It isn't going to be easy but maybe if I view it as a sort of year of experiment...maybe that will help keep me focused!

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